1.

Hillbilly Hippie

Homer Haynes - Jethro Burns

© Acuff-Rose Music, BMI

What's a tonic note
Somebody hurry up and start to sing

Way down south in New Orleans
Walkin' down Burbon Street
Saw a country cat who wore no hat
No shoes upon his feet

As he walked along a puttin' everybody on
With his pseudo southern drawl
He'd bum a dime but then he'd whine
Mercy bokue you all

He was a real gone turned on hillbilly hippie
And he flew just like a plane
He could go like a jet when he'd smoke a cigarette
That the hippies called maryjane
[ mandolin ]
Well he called for his pipe and he took a puff
He took off on a trip
Didn't need a train didn't need a plane
He could sail without a ship

And soon he'd be in Tennessee
Hong Kong and old Bagdad
He'd take the world around the world
And never leave his pad

He was a real gone turned on hillbilly hippie
And he flew just like a plane
He could go like a jet when he'd smoke a cigarette
That the hippies called maryjane

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2.

I Crept Into The Crypt And Cried

Liz Anderson

© Acuff-Rose Music, BMI

I went away to Egypt to work there for awhile
And fell in love with Tara the flower of the Nile
I had to make some money so she and I could wed
And so I got a job there workin' on a pyramid

The Pharaoh of all Egypt a crummy little creep
Would come out almost everday inspectin' in his jeep
He had a big fat stomach a little pointed head
And everyone that saw him thought he was already dead

And then one day it happend the Pharaoh of Egypt
Came out to see how we were doin' on his creepy crypt
He took one look at Tara and him she did beguile
The next thing that I knew he took her sailin' down the Nile

So I crept into the Pharaoh's crypt
And cried all alone there in that creepy crypt I cried
I saw him sail away from me my Tara at his side
And so I crept into the crypt and cried

The rest of my sad story is hard for me to tell
They had a royal wedding and they rang the weddin' bell
I watched until she promised to be his faithful bride
And when she said I do I crept into the crypt and cried

Yes I crept into the Pharoh's crypt
And cried all alone there in that creepy crypt I cried
I lost my little flower and my tears I could not hide
And so I crept into the crypt and cried

There in that creepy crypt I cried
All alone I crept into the crypt and cried
Yes I crept into the crypt and cried

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3.

Owed To Don Bowman

Homer Haynes - Jethro Burns

© Acuff-Rose Music, BMI

Up to now I've had a happy married life
Now I've started havin' trouble with my wife
First she seen Don Bowman on her TV screen
Thinks that he's the funniest man she's ever seen

Now she buys his record albums all the time
But she never bought a single one of mine
Now she's mad about that boy I kid you not
Wonder what ole Bowman's got that I ain't got

I'll admit he's mighty funny and he makes a lot of money
Just the same he'd better let my woman be
Wonder why my little woman flips her wig for Donald Bowman
Cause she thinks that he is funnier than me

Donald we have always been the best of friends
If you steal her this is where our friendship ends
When you get a load of her stupidity
Don you'll be so mad you'll never speak to me
[ mandolin - banjo ]
Now we split the blanket and she's left me flat
And there ain't no way of tellin' where she's at
All night long I sit here starin' at the floor
While I throw Don Bowman's records out the door

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4.

Four Room And Path

Homer Haynes - Jethro Burns

© Acuff-Rose Music, BMI

Four rooms and path that's all we had
Four rooms and path that's how it was when I was a wee lad
That little shack in the back it was right
At the edge of the river and with the high tide
In about a minute whoever was in it got completely soaked inside

Four rooms and path I couldn't stand it no more
So I pushed that shack in the river and watched it float away from shore
That night when Dad got home he sure was mad and really tanned my hide
Cause when I pushed that shack into the river he was inside

Did you ever get the feelin' that you had to go
But you wanna do stay cause it was 20 below outside sweet memories
Did you ever get the feelin' that you'd rather stand the pain
Than go out in the rain oh yes sweet memories
That little shack in the back it was right
At the edge of the river and with the high tide
In about a minute whoever was in it got completely soaked inside

Four rooms and path I couldn't stand it no more
So I pushed that shack in the river and watched it float away from shore
That night when Dad got home he sure was mad and really tanned my hide
Cause when I pushed that shack into the river he was inside
He was inside he was inside

**********

5.

World's Oldest Teenager

Wayne Carson

© Budde Songs, BMI

Hey don't you remember me I used to be a rock and roll star
I used to wear my hair down on my shoulder
But I've cut it off now that I'm a gettin' older
I had a few records some years ago
They went ripp bipp bipp bipp bipp chug a lug photo de oh do

Now don't you do me like you do me
Cause when you do it makes me blue see
And I don't wanna be blue just wanna love you
So don't you do me like you do
Ripp bipp bipp bipp bipp chug a lug photo de oh do
[ guitar ]
Hey don't your remember when all the girls were screamin' over me
With the shades all drawn I was ridin' in the back
Of a wire-wheel cherry red cadillac
The crowds went wild everwhere I'd go
When I'd sing ripp bipp bipp bipp bipp chug a lug photo de oh do

Now don't you do me like you do me...

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6.

The Hootin' Holler Hilton Bar And Grill

Homer Haynes - Jethro Burns

© Acuff-Rose Music, BMI

There is gonna be a meetin' of our fan club in the phone booth
Of the Hootin' Holler Hilton Bar And Grill
We are gonna cuss and discuss everything that is a buggin' us
The war the bomb the hippies and the pill

Our financial secretary won't have any cause to worry
Or see able pay the food and liquor bill
When we have the annual meetin' of our fan club in the phone booth
Of the Hootin' Holler Hilton Bar And Grill

And it's gonna be informal you can wear just what you choose
Girls can wear a topless if they're wearin' shoes
We will give away door prizes you may win yourself a door
Wouldn't miss it fer a thirty dollar bill
We will see you at the meetin' of our fan club in the phone booth
Of the Hootin' Holler Hilton Bar And Grill
[ mandolin ]
Oh we plumb forgot to mention that the CMA convention
Won't be gettin' under way this year until
We are finished with a meetin' of our fan club in the phone booth
Of the Hootin' Holler Hilton Bar And Grill

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7.

Indian Trader

Liz Anderson

© Acuff-Rose Music, BMI

Welcome friend to Indian village you think Indian dumb and red thing
Step right into Indian teapee maybe we can sell you something

When 'em Indian take a notion dance and shout and hoop and holler
Make 'em holy cow commotion now and then pick up a dollar

Indian squaws sell many things
So many pretty beads and turquoise rings
And all those woven baskets made by hand
Carefully and slowly by the people of Japan

Me know brave with many feathers soon he marry big chief's daughter
She got tongue that beat like tom-tom him all time drink fire water

Me got squaw called Silent Sparrow used to be so fat and quiet
Now her loud and look like arrow someone gave her pale-face diet

Indian costume you all know
Is made from hide of roving buffalo
And Running Deer this squaw she is my mom
Made this headdress that I wear to keep my old wigwam

Now we do our famous raindance done with actions fast and groovy
Taught to us by good director when we act in western movie

Great white father Indian friend look out for good ole Indian
For everytime ole Indian need 'em help
Great white father send them to us for 'em us to scalp

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8.

That Little Boy Of Mine

Homer Haynes - Jethro Burns - Wayne King

© Homer And Jethro Pub, BMI

A tiny turned up nose
Twelve little baby toes
Those way out hippie clothes
That little boy of mine
He climbs up on my knee
He weighs 203 says where's the LSD
That little boy of mine

He took the car today
And he just now brought it back
You'll find what's left of it
Crammed in a brown paper sack
Who says like man I'm hep
Who thinks his Pa's a drip
Who gives us lots of lip
That little boy of mine
[ mandolin ]
They say he's heaven sent
But we think he is the worst
Could be the president
That's if the neighbors don't kill him first
Those loaded dice he rolls
That bootleg booze he sold
Next week he'll be paroled
That little boy of mine
That little boy of mine

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9.

I Taught Her Everything She Knows

Sylvia Dee - Arthur Kent - Homer Haynes - Jethro Burns

© Homer And Jethro Pub, BMI

I taught her everything she knows
Like peelin' taters with her toes
And how to smoke cigars and blow
The smoke out through her nose
I taught her lots of other stuff
Now thanks to me she's mighty tough
At choppin' wood and sloppin' hogs
And dippin' snuff

I taught her everything under the sun
She took her nose apart to see what made it run
I taught her how to pull the plow
And then I even showed her how
To keep the milk from beein' sour
Just leave it in the cow
[ mandolin ]
I taught her bout the birds and bees
And now I'm all alone you see
Cause she goes out with birds and bees
But won't go out with me

**********

10.

I Couldn't Spell Pffft

Wayne Carson

© Budde Songs, BMI

I drew a mustache on your picture throwed your ring away
I'd a writ you a letter but I couldn't spell pffft
And that's all I've gotta say that's all I've gotta say

When I found out you'd been untrue not a minute did I delay
I'd a writ you a letter but I couldn't spell pffft
That's all I've gotta say that's all I've gotta say

I even went to where we used to
Go outside of town
Found the tree where we carved our names
Chopped the dang thing down

I burned the tie you gave me I never did dig it much anyway
I'd a writ you a letter but I couldn't spell pffft
And that's all I've gotta say that's all I've gotta say
[ guitar ]
Pffft
[ mandolin ]
Pffft

I'm gonna do everything I can
To get even with you
I started today when I wrote your name
In thirty-four telephone booths

I drew a mustache on your picture throwed your ring away
I'd a writ you a letter but I couldn't spell pfft
And that's all I've gotta say that's all I've gotta say
Pffft
That's all I've gotta say that's all I've gotta say
Pffft pffft pffft pffft pffft

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11.

It Ain't No Fun To Be A Pigeon

Homer Haynes - Jethro Burns

© Acuff-Rose Music, BMI

Oh it ain't no fun to be a pigeon
It ain't no fun you can take my word
It ain't no fun to be a pigeon
Everybody's always givin' you the bird

The lady hangin' clothes out there on the line
Shudders everytime you fly over her line
The statues in the park scream when you come near
They yell hey watch out here comes the bump a dear

It ain't no fun to be a pidgeon...

I carry messages I took one yesterday
Over to a town about a hundred miles away
I'm so exhausted now and I'll tell you why
The fog was so bad I had to walk not fly

Brrrr brrrr

It ain't no fun to be a pidgeon...

Down at the city hall they're kickin' up a fuss
They'll try anything to just get rid of us
They feed us special foods and what does that do
It kills my ability to bill and coo

Oh it ain't no fun to be a pidgeon...

Hey Jethro (huh) I know an ole girl down home that's pidgeon-toed
Oh why I used to know a pidgeon that was people toed
that ain't nothin' I seen a turtle the other day with a people neck sweater on
Homer I tell you now buddy a gag like that ain't gonna get you any where

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12.

The Second Hundred Years

Homer Haynes - Jethro Burns

© Acuff-Rose Music, BMI

Just sixty-seven years ago amid Alaska's ice and snow
The hero of our story first appeared
A prospector of thirty-three he never knew that destiny
Would pick him out to live his life the second hundred years

Well a sudden storm it raged and roared
And froze him stiffer than a thorn
For now dear friends our hero disappeared
His son grew up grew old grew old and gray back in California
And never dreamed he'd see his dad the second hundred years

Second hundred years second hundred years
An avalanche and then by chance a hero reappears
They sent him home and called a physician
Thowed him out in perfect condition
And he began his new life span the second hundred years
Yes he began his new life span the second hundred years
[ guitar ]
Second hundred years second hundred years...

**********