1.

I Love You Drops

Bill Anderson

© Moss-Rose Pub, BMI

I was one sicker feller when I woke up this morning
So my mama called our family doctor in
I told the doctor that I'd had this sickness once before
He said well son now you've got it again

I need nose drops nasal drip drops
I don' t need gumdrops cause I feel so bummed drops
Don't need cough drops sneezin' off my head drops
Sayin' I love you drops won't help me now

Doctor gave me pills to keep my head from hurtin'
Opened up my nose so I could get my breath
Told me I should take the pills for three days runnin'
And I nearly run my poor ole self to death

I need nose drops nasal drip drops
I don't need cough drops cause I feel so bum drops
I don't need dew drops I need flu drops
Them I love you drops won't help me now

**********

2.

No Hair Sam (Mohair Sam)

Dallas Frazier

© Blue Crest Music, BMI

Who is the cat with a head like Mr Clean
He ain't got a hair growin' there that's what I mean
Who's got the finest head of skin what am
Bald headed pot bellied dim witted no hair Sam

He never wears a wig upon his head to cover up that spot
Cause you wouldn't buy a top for a convertible when the motor's shot
Who has to carry his handroof around in his hand
Bald headed pot bellied dim witted no hair Sam

Sam he says the grass will never grow upon a busy street
I reckon that the reason is it can't get through the concrete
Who's got the squarest barest head what am
Bald headed pot bellied dim witted no hair Sam
Bald headed pot bellied dim witted no hair Sam

**********

3.

He Loves Me

Bud Logan - Charles Snoddy

© Homer And Jethro Prod, BMI

Whip me beat me tell me you don't need me
But don't take it out on my dog he loves me
Bite me fight me tell me you don't like me
But don't take it out on my dog he loves me

The way you treat my dog is a shame
You've whipped him till he don't know his name
Slap me shove me tell me you don't love me
But don't take it out on my dog cause you don't love me
[ mandolin - organ ]
I'm the cause of all the trouble pick on me
Don't hurt my dog he wouldn't hurt a flea
Kick me bust me stand right up and cuss me
But don't take it out on my dog he loves me
Don't take it out on my dog

**********

4.

I Want To Go With You

Hank Cochran

© Pamper Music, BMI

5.

Wanted For Murder

Cy Coben

© Delmore Music, ASCAP

We're wanted for murder wanted for murder
Wanted for murder by the songwritin' clan
We massacre their purty tunes amputate their moons and Junes
Sing the songs like crazy loons
We're wanted for murder by the songwriters of our land

It started with Over The Rainbow for that we should be hung
You'd never recognize it as the song that Judy sung
Then we murdered Baby It's Cold Outside and shore cause quiet a fuss
For that crime we had little Juney Carter helpin' us

We're wanted for murder wanted for murder ...

Well the battle of ole New Orleans may go down in history
But the battle of Kukamonga was our best atrosoty
And then we sunk the Bismark in our own way that's a fact
Now the writer of it bought a gun don't tell him where we're at

That Doggy In The Window we hounddogged him real good
And Poor Ole Kaliga we set fire to his wood
Take warnin' you songwriters from New York to Nashville
We's scourin' all the latest hits for a brand new song to kill

We're wanted for murder wanted for murder...

**********

6.

Great Men Repeat Themselves

Buddy Starcher - John Hartford - Joe Holcomb

© Ensign Music, BMI

This is a strange but true story that proves that great men indeed repeat themselves
That greatness indeed follows the same pattern
The facts depicted here are strange almost to the point of incredibilty
Both of the great men we will tell you about are concerned with the triumph
Of the good over the black forces of evil
Both of these great men are rich and both of these great men have searching blue eyes
The name Lyndon contains six letters the name Batman contains six letters
At Batman's side stands the boy wonder at Lyndon's side stands the wonder boy
The names Robin and Hubey each contain five letters
The names Washington and Gotham City each contain ten letters
The names Riddler and Wallace each contain seven letters
The names Mr Robert S McNamara and Commissioner Gordan each contain eighteen letters
The name Castro lacks one letter having the same number as penguin
The names the Batplane and Airforce One each contain eleven letters
Batman's batmobile is in reality an experimental model Lincoln Continental
Lyndon's Lincoln Continental is in reality an experimental batmobile
Behind the cape crusader stands a young bird named Robin
Behind the tall Texan stands an old crusader named Byrd
Bank robbers tremble when Batman spreads his net
And bank presidents tremble with what Lyndon nets from his spread
If you subtract the year of Lyndon's birth which is 1908
From the year he graduated from high school which is 1924 you get sixteen
Add sixteen to 36 because Lyndon is the 36th president and you get fifty two
There are fifty two weeks in a year seven days in a week
Add two for the number of family beegle hounds and you get nine
The square root of nine is three
Divide this by a wife and two daughters and you get one
And there is only one Batman

**********

7.

I Don't Flirt Anymore (I Don't Hurt Anymore)

Don Robertson - Jack Rollins

© Anne-Rachel Music, ASCAP

I don't flirt anymore since my wifey caught me
In the factory stockroom with my secretary
Then she picked up a broom and she lowered the boom
I wound up on the floor I don't flirt anymore

She busted my head I thought I was dead
I couldn't feel any worse
But as I was led to my hospital bed
I took a turn for the nurse

I don't flirt anymore now I'm sad and I'm wise
Gonna leave all the girls to the rest of you guys
But when the swellin' goes down I'll be up and around
And I'll be flirtin' for sure well I don't hurt anymore

She thinks I am louse I'm in the dog house
Crawlin' around on my knees
Now look here spouse am I am man or a mouse
She threw me a big piece of cheese

I don't flirt anymore I'm as true as can be
Till a real pretty girl rolls her eyeballs at me
I don't flirt anymore but I'll have to confess
I don't flirt anymore but I don't flirt any less

**********

8.

Drop Dead Little Darlin'

Cy Coben

© Delmore Music, ASCAP

Drop dead little darlin' drop dead
Fall asleep a smokin' cigarettes in bed
Try to stop a locomotive with your head
Drop dead little darlin' drop dead

I think that our marriage is shakey
Cause lately you're not actin' sweet
When I leave for work you go beserk
And start screamin' at me down the street

Drop dead little darlin' drop dead...

Yesterday it was my birthday
I sure got a lump in my throat
But I swallowered hard when I say your card
Cause these are the words that you wrote

Drop dead little darlin' drop dead...

You bought me a cute little parrot
You taught him to talk right away
But I wrang his neck I had to by heck
Cause here's what you taught him to say

Drop dead little darlin' drop dead...

**********

9.

Laying Time (Crying Time)

Buck Owens

© Blue Book Music, BMI

Ohrr I staggered home at three o'clock this mornin'
I was feelin' higher than a Georgia pine
My old lady clobbered me without a warnin'
Cause I promised her that I'd be home at nine

Oh it's lyin' time again she wont believe me
I can see a look of doubt there in her eyes
If I tell the truth my life ain't worth a dime
So it won't be long before it's lyin' time

So I told her I was visitin' a sick friend
You remember my old army buddy Joe
And you could have knocked me over with a feather
When she told me that he died a year ago

She said you're the drunkess man I've ever seen
I said Woman you're so ugly it's a shame
And when I wake up tomorrow I'll be sober
But when you wake up you're gonna look the same

Oh it's lyin' time again she won't believe me...
So it won't be long before it's lyin' time

**********

10.

Tiger By The Tail

Harlan Howard - Buck Owens

© Tree Pub, BMI

We went to see the circus when it played in our hometown
Before the show we had a look around
While lookin' at the animals ole Jethro disappeared
I looked fer him and suddenly I hear

A tiger's got me by the tail it's plain to see
He sure is changin' my anatomy
I'm gettin' weak my mind is goin' blank
And it looks like I'm gonna wind up in his tank

Ole Jethro yelled hey tiger come on now let me go
Cause you and me could make a lot of dough
I'll be your bookin' agent and pretty soon you' ll be
Doing gasoline commercials on TV

A tiger's got me by the tail it's plain to see
His Sunday dinner I'm about to be
I know my mama's gonna have a fit
When she finds out just where the tiger bit

We thank you Harlan Howard and we thank Buck Owens too
We offer our apologies to you
Don't lock us or sue us or ride us on a rail
Fer the way we sung a tiger by the tail

**********

11.

Good Little Boys

Cy Coben - Homer Haynes - Jethro Burns

© Delmore Music, ASCAP

The cars we stole the drunks we rolled
The red hot merchandise we sold
How the neighborhood would buzz
When some square would call the fuzz

Memories memories happy childhood memories
Maw and paw would smile and say
You've been good little boys today

The nights we watched the moon and stars
Shinin' through the prison bars
We found out that crime don't pay
Like it used to anyway

Memories memories happy childhood memories...
[ mandolin ]
Remember how the kids would laugh
The day we sawed the cat in half
Both our pictures I recall
On the ole post office wall

Memories memories happy childhood memories...

**********

12.

What A Lousy Day Was Yesterday

Homer Haynes - Jethro Burns

© Acuff-Rose Music, BMI

What a lousy day was yesterday
Only yesterday my skies were blue
Daddy broke my favorite Beatle record
And he made me get a haircut too

Only yesterday I went to school
Teacher said I acted like a fool
Asked me who cut down the cherry tree
I said teacher dear it wasn't me

All my luck is bad my life is just one big mistake
I'd go out and hang myself but I know the rope would break

What a lousy day was yesterday
Daddy gave my little dog away
They bought a brand new home and left me flat
And they won't even tell me where it's at

Day late and a dollar short my life has been like this
I'd go out and shoot myself but I know that I would miss

Only yesterday I learned my lesson
Always keep on hopin' for the best
If you ever need a friend just try and find one
Cause a friend in need ain't nothin' but a pest

What a lousy day was yesterday
What a lousy day was yesterday
What a lousy day was yesterday

**********