lp discography - covers & lyrics

1.

THUMBSUCKER

(Shel Silverstein) « © '72 Evil Eye Music, BMI »
Yeah yeah now this song is a warning yes folks a warnin' against the danger
A very very economy a social fibre mortal turpitude haha national security
And friends the danger is not it is not the long hairs
And it is not the warmongers all the squares all the truckusers all the fuss
Friends the danger the real danger is thumbsuckers
Yes you heard me my friends I think thumbsucker
And every time every time you make a peace sign with your fingers
And every time you push a door bell
And every time you're on highway stick your thumb
There's always there in the shadows some dirty sneaky thumbsucker
Who will leap out upon you grab your wrist
And start to suck your thumb drainin' all your natural thumbjuices
And leavin' you hopeless heartless a shakin' quiverin' crawlin' slaverin'
Thumbsuckin' addict for the rest of your unusual life

That's why I ain't gonna let no thumbsucker suck my thumb
It'll drive you crazy and leave you deaf and dumb
It'll make you crawl and climb the wall and leave you without no thumb at all
I ain't gonna let no thumbsucker suck my thumb

Met her on a corner in Deluth and that's truth
She was tryin' to fix her shoe in a telephone booth her name was Ruth
She said she was just waiting for a bus
But I hid my thumb cause I knew just what she was

Uhh I ain't gonna let no...
[ piano - guitar ] I'll tell you what them thumbsuckers like to do
They suck your thumb till it's wrinkled like a prune
They'll say you've got the sweetest thumb of all they say
But then they suck the thumb of the guy livin' down the hall

That's why I ain't gonna let no...
Suck my thumb suck my thumb suck my thumb suck my thumb
**********

2.

I GOT STONED AND I MISSED IT

(Shel Silverstein) « © '72 Evil Eye Music, BMI »
Oh yes boys play it sweet for me
I was sittin' in my basement I'd just rolled myself a taste of
Somethin' green and gold and glorious to get me through the day
When my friend yells through my transom grab your coat an' get your hat son
There's a nut down on the corner a givin' dollar bills away
But I sat around a bit and then I had another hit
And then I rolled myself a bomber thought about my momma
Looked around fooled around played around while and then

I got stoned and I missed it I got stoned and I missed it
I got stoned and it rolled right by
I got stoned and I missed it I got stoned and I missed it
I got stoned oh me oh my

It took seven months of urgin' just to get that local virgin
With the sweet face up to my place to fool around a bit
And next day she woke up rosy and she snuggled up so cosy
But when she asked me how I liked it Lord it hurt me to admit

I got stoned and I missed it...
[ fiddle ] I ain't makin' no excuses for so many things I uses
Just to brighten my relationships and sweeten up my day
But when my earthly race is over and I'm ready for the clover
And they ask me how my life has been I guess I have to say

I was stoned and I missed it...
**********

3.

SAHRA CYNTHIA SYLVIA STOUT WOULD NOT TAKE THE GARBAGE OUT

(Shel Silverstein) « © '72 Evil Eye Music, BMI »
Oh Sahra Cynthia Sylvia Stout would not take the garbage out
She'd wash the dishes and scrub the pans cook the yams and spice the hams
And though her parents would scream and shout
She simply would not take the garbage out
And so it piled up to the ceilings coffee grounds potato peelings
Brown bananas and rotten peas chunks of sour cottage cheese
It filled the can it covered the floor it cracked the windows and blocked the door
With bacon rinds and chicken bones drippy ends of icecream cones
Prone pits peach pits orange peel gloppy glumps of cold oat meal
Pizza crust and withered greens soggy beans and tangerines
Crust of black burned buttered toast gristly bits of beefy roast
The garbage rolled on down the hall it raised the roof it broke the walls
I mean greesy napkins cookie crumbs blobs of gooey bubble gum
Cellophane from old baloney rubber blubbry macaroni
Peanut butter caced and dry curdled off milk and crusts of pie
Ridy melons dried up mustard eggs shells mixed with lemon custard
Cold french fries and rancid meat yellow lumps of cream of wheat
Uuh at last the garbage reached so high that finally it touched the sky
And none of her friends would come to play and all the neighbors moved away
And finally Sahra Cynthia Sylvia Stout said okay I'll take the garbage out
But then of course it was too late the garbage reached across the state
From New York to the Golden Gate and there in the garbage she did hate
Poor Sahra met an awful fate then I cannot right now relate
Because the hour is much too late
But children remember Sylvia Stout and always take the garbage out
**********

4.

STACY BROWN GOT TWO

(Shel Silverstein) « © '72 Evil Eye Music, BMI »
Did you hear bout Stacy brown (no we didn't but we'd like to)
He had every chick in town (no he didn't but he tried to)
He had looks he had class do anything to get a little lass
And everyone would shout at him when he walks his girlies past

They said everybody got one (everybody got one)
Everybody got one (everybody got one) Stacy brown got two (oooh)

Do you know the reason for his success (no we don't so tell us)
They say that he was double blessed (not like you fellas)
They say that Stacy Brown was born just a little bit deformed
Still his girl friends they all wake up smilin' every morn

Singin' everybody got one...
[ guitar ] Why they're climbin' up the wall (just to get to Stacy)
Young ones run and old ones crawl (he drives us crazy)
He got two and that's a fact but no one knows where the other one's at
On his elbow on his knee or underneath his hat

Singin' everybody got one...

He got two I tell you truth it's a fact no I ain't seen her but no I mean it's a fact
Well that's what my old lady told me
No I don't I don't why she knows how did she know
Maybe somebody told her huh gossip maybe it's gossip how did she know
Maybe just seems like two I wanna talk to that woman
**********

5.

POLLY IN A PORNY

(Shel Silverstein) « © '72 Evil Eye Music, BMI »
Haha I kissed Polly goodnight haha as we stood at her front door
Now she's quite a proper lady so I didn't ask for anything more
But haha I was feeling oh so groovie that I went down to the movie
And I sat down and guess just what I saw

I saw Polly in a porny down at the dirty flicks
I saw Polly in a porny I didn't know she knew them tricks
What I seen nearly struck me blind I never knew she was the artically inclined
I saw Polly in a porny with a pony and I've nearly blowed my mind
Was she gallopin' (no no no) oh was she trottin' (no no no)
Oh was she riding across the country with some tall dark handsome person
Oh was she wearin' her cowboy hat haha well not exactly that
But at least I recall she had her spurs on
I love ol' Polly in a porny I keep on going back
Yeah in the very last row I'm singin' low with my coat bouncin' in my lap ooh
I spend each dime I can afford I swear she's gonna win an academy award
I saw Polly in a porny with a pony and the pony seemed a little bored
Ooh oh ride Polly ride slide Polly slide
**********

6.

(FREAKIN' AT THE) FREAKER'S BALL

(Shel Silverstein) « © '72 Evil Eye Music, BMI »
There's gonna be a Freaker's Ball yes yes tonight at the Freaker's Hall
Ha ha yeah and you know that you're invited one and all

C'mon babies grease your lips grab your hats swing your hips
And don't forget to bring your whips I'll take you to the Freaker's Ball
Blow your whistle bang your gong roll up somethin' to take along
It feels so good but it must be wrong a freakin' at the Freaker's Ball
All the fags and the dikes they boogyin' together
Leather freaks're dressed in all kinds of leather
The greatest of the sadists and the masochists too
Screamin' please hit me and I'll hit you
The FBI a dancin' with the junkies all the straights a swingin' with the funkies
Cross the floor and up the wall a freakin' at the Freaker's Ball
Y'all a freakin' at the Freaker's Ball
[ horns ] No hairs and long hairs kissin' each other mother with daughter son with mother
Smear my body up with butter and take me to the Freaker's Ball
Pass that roach and pour the wine I'll kiss yours and you'll kiss mine
I'm a gonna boogie till I go blind a freakin' at the Freaker's Ball
Oh the white freaks black freaks yellow and red ones
Necropheliacs a lookin' for dead ones
Tickers the sickers they're gettin' their kicks
With the womans libbers and the sexist pigs
The plastercasters castin' their plasters the masturbators baitin' their masters
Cross the floor and up the wall a freakin' at the Freaker's Ball
Y'all a freakin' at the Freaker's Ball y'all a freakin' at the Freaker's Ball
**********

7.

ALL ABOUT YOU

(Shel Silverstein) « © '72 Evil Eye Music, BMI »
In the Grandville greyhound station in the lightly drizzlin' rain
Sittin' on my suitcase goin' quietly insane all about you babe all about you
All about you and then no feelin' double dealin' things that you do
Uh every man in Grandville says he knows you well
Burn your ears if you could hear the stories that they tell

All about you babe all about you
All about you and then no feelin' double dealin' things that you do
[ guitar ] They say you're picked up every Thursday in a rich man's limousine
And some cat in San Quentin keeps on havin' nasty dreams

All about you babe...
[ guitar ] And now the summer sun may burn my back and these tears may dim my sight
But before I die there's a dirty book I'm gonna write

All about you babe...
[ guitar ] Yeah the Grandville greyhound station
I waited on that night tell me you ain't gonna show
And I just go on sing this silly song
All about you tell the world all about you
Tell 'em what you are and tell 'em what you wish yeah I'm gonna put your name in
**********

8.

DON'T GIVE A DOSE TO THE ONE YOU LOVE MOST

(Shel Silverstein) « © '72 Evil Eye Music, BMI »
Yes my dear I must admit that one time I might did
(And if you grow wiser for me experience)
Yes my dear I grew wiser in many ways and the thing I learned most
Is don't give a dose to the one you love most

No don't give a dose to the one you love most
Give her some marmelade give her some toast
You can give her the willings or give her the blues
But the dose that you give her will get back to you
I once had a lady as sweet as a song she was my darlin' and she was my dear
But she had a dose and she passed it along
Now she's gone but the dose is still here
So don't give a dose to the one you love most
Giver her some marmelade give her some toast
You can give her a partridge up in a pear tree
But the dose that you give her might get back to me

If you've got an itchin' if you've got a drip don't sit there wishin' for it to go way
Cause it won't if there's a thing on the tip of your thing or your lip
Run down to the clinic today and say
I won't give a dose
**********

9.

PEACE PROPOSAL

(Shel Silverstein) « © '72 Evil Eye Music, BMI »
Said General Clay to General Gore really must we fight this silly war
To kill and die in such a bore I quite agree said General Gore
Said General Gore to General Clay we could go to the beach today
And have some icecream on the way a grand idea said General Clay
Said General Clay to General Gore we'll build sand castles on the shore
Said General Gore we'll splash and play let's leave right now said General Clay
Said General Gore to General Clay but what if the sea's closed today
And what if the sand's been blown away the dreadful thought said General Clay
Said General Gore to General Clay I've always feared the ocean's spray
And we may drown it's true we may it chills my blood said General Clay
Said General Clay to General Gore my bathin' suit is slightly tore
We better go on with our war I quite agree said General Gore
The General Clay chanrged General Gore as bullets flew and cannons roared
And now at last there is no more of General Clay or General Gore
**********

10.

MASOCHISTIC BABY

(Shel Silverstein - Mike Settle) « © '72 Evil Eye Music, BMI »
Oh ever since my masocistic baby went and left me (she had left you a kiss)
I got nothin' nothin' to hit but the wall (poor wall)
She loved me when I beat her (oh they do love that)
But then I started actin' sweeter (oh mistake)
Oh and that ain't no way to treat her at all

She is the one that I'm dreaming of and you always hurt the one you love
And ever since my masochistic baby went and left me
Nothin' to hit but the wall what you know
Nothin' to belt but my pans yes I've suspendors
Nothin' to whip but the scream you get so nasty
Nothin' to beat but the eggs oh nothin' to punch but the clock
Oh nothin' to strike but the match light my fire
Oh nothin' nothin' to hit but the wall
**********

11.

LIBERATED LADY 1999

(Shel Silverstein) « © '72 Evil Eye Music, BMI »
She's a liberated lady and she's looking out for herself
And she don't need your protection and she does not want your help
And if you're lookin' for some pretty little flower
You better go look somewhere else cause I warn you she's a liberated lady

She got off work at the foundry she was a feelin' kinda beat
On the bus she had to stand and let some fellah have her seat
And then she pinched the ass of a guy whopassed her walkin' down the street
When he called a cop she didn't quite understand
When she stopped off on the corner for her double shot of rye
When some guy lit her cigarette she punched him in the eye
And then he kicked her in the balls it was enough to make her cry
But she stood there and she took it like a man

(She's a liberated lady and she smokes them big cigars
You're gonna find her drinkin' boilermakers at the corner bar
And in thirty seconds flat she'll change a flat tire on your car
Look out she's a liberated lady)

She come home to find her darlin' husband cryin' in distress
She says why ain't supper ready and why is this house a mess
He said the kids have drove me crazy and I need a brand new dress
And how come you don't ever take me dancin'
She sat down to smoke her pipe and she thought back to the time
When she was satin silk and lace with nothin' on her mind
But now she's gotta mow the lawn and gotta pay the bills on time
And pray to Mrs God she don't get drafted
Oh she got into bed that evenin' and she strapped her dildo on
Climb on top of him and said okay let's get it on
He said you know I've got my period and my headache isn't gone
And he fell asleep the chauvinistic bastard oh

(She's a liberated lady...
I say look out she's a liberated lady
**********

12.

MAN WHO GOT NO SIGN

(Shel Silverstein) « © '72 Evil Eye Music, BMI »
Ko-we-ha Gemini Jim taw Scorpio Salo
Taw sejno-nej-o-to-kono o-ha-na-shi-te-saw
There was Gemini Jim and Scorpio Sal they was livin' by the Golden Gate
Freezin' their nose and wearin' leather clothes and dealin' every way but straight
They had a Leo dog and a Capricorn cat and everything was goin' fine
Until into their life on a moonless night come the man who got no sign
He roared right in like some evil wind and he rolled himself a righteous smoke
As the thunder scrashed and the lightenin' flashed he took a toke and a spoke
Said he was born in an astrological warp when the stars refused to shine
On the cusp of Nowhere and Nevermore he's the man that got no sign
Then he told a story of an endless search to find his missin' part
And Scorpio Sal she smiles at him tries to do his chart
But the Pisces Ben who was Jim's best friend aaid man you must be blind
You better grab your knife and take the life of the man who'd got no sign
And so it happened and his blood run soaked the ground
The arrest was made by Sheriff Slade and Aquarius thru and thru
But the jailer was a Sagittarius so he beat Jim black and blue
And then they dragged him up to the courthouse stairs they said Jim how do you plea
He said man the moon's in Virgo so the blame don't fall on me
Well the jury all was the Libras so you know they was more than fair
But the lawyer was an Aries and an Aries just don't care
The judge he was a Cancer and Cancers have no friends
But the hungman was a Taurus and that's where the circle ends
**********