lp discography - covers & lyrics

1.

OPENING MONOLOGUE

(Kacey Jones)
« © '97 Zamalama Music, BMI »
(Here she is Kacey Jones let's hear it)

Welcome everybody welcome to the misused and abused
Mislead and underfed overworked and underpaid
Underlived and underlaid
Kacey Jones Show
Live and in color in person direct from a nation wide tour of the Piggly Wiggly lunch counters
And I know we're gonna have a good time tonight here in Nashville
Because I don't see my stalker out there anywhere
But ya'll are lookin' good
Actually I can't tell if you're lookin' good or you're butt ugly
Because I'm blind as a bat and too vain to wear my glasses
I tried wearing my contacts on stage one time and it was frightening I could see the faces so clearly
And frankly I'd rather not see what you're thinking
That way I can just imagine that you're out there diggin' me
And you can imagine that I'm up here diggin' you
Or you can imagine that under these clothes I'm wearing a wonder bra and boxer shorts
And I know how to use 'em
Make you wonder if I'm gonna knock you out
I'm gonna try because I'm feelin' really good tonight
In fact I'm feelin' like a million
But please boys one at a time
Sorry I always get in that mood when I play here at the Bull Pen
Place makes my horns come out the Bull Pen
Must be the name it just kinda oozes testosterone doesn't it
Yeah you know being my astrological sign is Taurus I notice a lotta bull you know
Like stubborn as a bull clumsy as a bull and everybody's favorite hung like a bull
Which reminds me this is my band The Passionate Men yeah
Lots of testosterone up on this stage tonight
Whole lotta men
And girls I don't know if you ever noticed
But most of the things that cause us grief in our lives begin with MEN
You know like MENtal stress MENopause PreMENstrual Syndrome
And I'm sure you noticed that right about the time we came up with PMS they came up with the SPN
Well I've come up with something to help us cope with these unMENtenionables
It's a mantra or as we say in the language of Babet mantra
A woman's mantra
And so I want you to sing along and we're gonna have a contest at the same time
I want you to guess how many times we say the words MAN man or MEN men in this song
And if you guess correctly you'll win this lovely sterafoam MANaquin head
So this is gonna be great you get to sing along
And you might even get a little head

Here we go one two three
**********

2.

WOMAN'S MANTRA

(Richard Fagan - Kacey Jones)
« © '97 Zamalama Music, BMI / Mamalama Music, ASCAP »
They say that it's a man's world and I believe it's true
Because we mention man or men in many things we do
Like when we feel romantic we get a manicure
And the menace of menstruation makes us feel like manure

Amen Amen
Why must there be so many words that always mention them

Why must we read a manuscript a manual or a menu
It give's me menopause for thought but hey let me continue
To me a hysterectomy or a hernia should be
Transformed into a hisnia and a hersterectomy

Amen Amen
Why must there be so many words that always mention them
Amen Amen
Thank God they're dumb enough to think we're not as smart as them

We manage to maneuver round man's mentality
And like the Praying Mantis we do it cheerfully
Whether you live in a mansion or a manhole in Manhattan
You should know these manly words derived from Greek and Latin
They all were manufactured to manipulate our gender
And if God knew what man has wrought I'm sure it would offend her

Amen Amen
Why must there be so many words that always mention them
Amen Amen
Thank God they're dumb enough to think we're not as smart as them
Amen

Thank you thank you very much
Obviously an audience with excellent taste
**********

3.

BUBBA BIT

(Kacey Jones)
« © '97 Zamalama Music, BMI »
I'd like to dedicate this next song to my ex-husband
Bless his pointed little head and fireplug shaped body
No it's true he came from a family where gravey was considered a beverage
We lived in a tiny apartment on the outskirts of hell for about two years
The problem was he thought he was God's gift to women
And he was if God shopped at Walmart
It was the first time I ever saw a man eat meat out of a can
I said Bubba what's that you're eatin'
He said that'd be vienna sausages
Umm ground up pig tails and snouts
Yeah and he was a perfect example of you are what you eat
Him and his little teeny tiny vienna sausage
Only one thing that Bubba like better than vienna sausage and that was spam loaf
Yeah let's fry some up boys

A one two one two three
**********

4.

1-900-BUBBA

(Wynn Varble - Kacey Jones)
« © '97 Cattle Jam Music, BMI / Zamalama Music, BMI / Three Bridges Music, BMI »
I've been lookin' for the perfect man most all my life
But the ones I'm datin' lately they just ain't my type
Doctors Lawyers Real Estate Brokers I'm fed up with all those jokers
So last week I took a walk on the wild side

Yeah I was flippin' through the channels on my late night TV show
1-900 love for sale by remote control
Pillow talk and true confessions
Things for folks with wierd obsessions
Then I saw what I was lookin' for

And I called 1-900-Bubba that's where I found my lover
I let my fingers do the walkin' and that redneck do the talkin'
He's my big ole bundle of joy he's my biscuit and gravy boy
I said a hub a hub a hub a 1-900-Bubba

Looks like some of you girls know what I'm talkin' about
You had a close encounter with a Bubba
And it ain't an easy thing to do I'll tell ya
Lot of stuff gets in your way
All that spam residue

My Bubba was dedicated to his bubbadum
But he tried to work some of it off from time to time not with me of course
But when he thought no one was lookin' he'd stand in front of the mirror
And a little Aerobic dance that I call the Bubba Bump
Then about two minutes later he'd get tired and lust for something exotic not me of course
So he came up with a new southern dish called spaice spam on a bed of rice
Let's try it again boys

He's got a Sears and Roebuck polyester suit
He wears nineteen dollar imitation lizard Walmart boots
He took me out to lunch today he's a real spam gourmet
And those little digestin' noises he makes with cheeks

Well tonight we're goin' ridin' in the '59 Bubbamobile
His big beer belly barely fits behind the steering wheel
He's brazen as a Brahama but he calls me his sweet mama
I'm so glad I found a man for me

I just called 1-900-Bubba that's where I found my lover
I let my fingers do the walkin' and that redneck do the talkin'
He's my big ole bundle of joy he's my biscuit and gravy boy
I said a hub a hub a hub a 1-900-Bubba

Alright now I need all the Bubbets
That'd be you girls
I want you to sing the last chorus with me
And I want you to sing it out loud
Like a screaming banchee bubbet

One two three four
I just called 1-900-Bubba that's where I found my lover...

Say what
(I said a hub a hub a hub a 1-900-Bubba)
That's all

Thank you
Wadn't that just bubblicous
It was also kinda scary don't you think
It is scary livin' in the Bubba domention
**********

5.

WHY CAN'T THEY SEND 'EM ALL BIT

(Kacey Jones)
« © '97 Zamalama Music, BMI »
My Ex used to make some very frightening observations
I remember one night he said to me you know Kacey
I'd rather be black than gay
I said well why's that Bubba
He said well cauze when you're black you don't have to tell your Mama
It's hard to believe that out of a hundred thousand sperm he was the quickest
I'm sorry that did sound like border line male bashing didn't it
But after all it's my job
And the truth is I like the concept of men it's the reality that I have trouble with
Men are some of my favorite people
I think that every girl oughta have at least two or three
I said I think that every girl oughta have at least two or three
One cute one yeah
But I'll tell you somethin' girls and you know this
Even with the cute ones
There's a woman out there somewhere that got sick and tired of him right
There's a woman out there shaking her fist one nerve short of a strait-jacket
Saying to the moon Alex to the moon
(One two)
**********

6.

WHY CAN'T THEY SEND 'EM ALL

(Jan Buckingham - Rebecca Marshall - Kacey Jones)
« © '97 Duck House Music, BMI / Mamalama Music, ASCAP / Curb Songs, ASCAP »
Betty's EX keeps swearin' THAT the check is in the mail
Linda's boyfriend sends her postcards from the county jail
We girls compared our notes and wrote it on the bathroom wall
If they can send one man to the moon why can't they send 'em all

Well Candy's man won't lift a hand to help around the house
And Mary's macho man starts shoutin' when he sees a mouse
Cindy's Chuck split in his truck couldn't take the long haul
If they could send one man to the moon why can't they send 'em all

We glued ourselves to our TV's to watch the eagle land
We heard Neil Armstrong say that's one small step for man
So NASA gotta ask ya can they get this problem solved
If they could send one man to the moon why can't they send 'em all

Well it don't take a genius to see how different we are
If women come from Venus then men must come from Mars
Is it any wonder we can't talk at all
If they could send one man to the moon why can't they send 'em all

If you put all our broken hearts like pancakes in a stack
Faced end to end I'm sure you'll find they reach the moon and back
So NASA gotta ask ya can they get this problem solved
If they could send one man to the moon why can't they send 'em all

Though we hate to admit it we all know it's true
If the men all took off for the moon we'd probably go there too
So NASA gotta ask ya can they get this problem solved
If they could send one man to the moon why can't they send 'em all
If they could send one man to the moon why can't they send 'em all

Thank you aw thank you so very much
I hope that you guys noticed that I did redeem myself a little bit in that last verse
If the men all took off for the moon we'd probably there too
Yeah well I do what I can to promote harmony between the sexes
**********

7.

SEAT BIT

(Kacey Jones)
« © '97 Zamalama Music, BMI »
But you know speaking of redemption
It seems to me that you men need to do a little bit of redeeming your ownselves
Especially in the bathroom
I mean what exactly is it that you're aiming for
And is there any chance that you could be just a little more accurate
I mean like yuck
And on top of that we've gotta walk in there at two o'clock in the morning it's pitch black
We fall through that porcelain throne like Humpty Dumpty
I mean come on guys what's it gonna take an act of Congress
Alright as I am speaking for those of you listening to us on the radio
We're handing out to our audience what I call Texas Teeshirts
Also known as paper toilet seat covers
I have a little demonstration that goes right along with this song
I would like us to try to unite on this tissue uh issue
Men pay attention
Men
Men men men men men here's the dang bill right here
As you can see the seat is down
Now seat up seat down
Mongo like seat up Monga like seat down
Alright you got it
Now on the count of three
I want you to all put your head through the perforated hole
One two three
Listen to that rustle of tissue paper
That is like so symbiotic man
Men and women working together can I hear it one time for that
Yes alright now we're ready for the next song
A one two three
**********

8.

PUT THE SEAT BACK DOWN

(Richard Fagan - Kacey Jones - Sharyn Lane)
« © '97 Zamalama Music, BMI / Mamalama Music, ASCAP »
I like my men short and I like 'em tall
I like 'em hairy and I like 'em bald
But if you wanna know what makes my heart pound
Uh I really like a man who puts the seat back down

Put the seat back down (put the seat back down)
Put the seat back down (put the seat back down)
Don't you know my butt ain't half that big a round
Put the seat back down (put the seat back down)
Put the seat back down (put the seat back down)
Cause honey if you don't I might fall right in and drown

Now all you guys say what's the fuss
It's a little thing to you but it's everything to us
And when you hear that cold wet splashing sound
You'll know that you forgot to put the seat back down

Help me everybody
Put the seat back down (put the seat back down)....

Alright now it's time for a little potty talk
That's right I said potty talk and I'm not from Boston
So I'm askin' you do you wanna potty
I said do you wanna potty
Alright then shoot straight you guys and try not to mess it up
And for goodness sake put the seat back down
Otherwise you're just gonna piss me off
Take me to the throne and drop me in

It says you love me it tells me you care
It says you like a girl with a dry derriere
It says you're a man and you understand
That you give a poop where my hinnie will land

Put the seat back down (put the seat back down)...
Think of me when you pee and honey put the seat back down

Aww that was absolutely scrumptious alright
**********

9.

PIZZA MAN BIT

(Kacey Jones)
« © '97 Zamalama Music, BMI »
Pizza is a very important thing in my life
I think I love pizza almost as much as I love men
In fact the perfect lover for me would be a guy
That shows up at my door at about midnight with a six pack
Makes passionate love to me until about 4 A.M.
And then turns into a deep dish pepperoni
OK now everybody got a piece of pizza everybody got a piece
Anybody want a piece that doesn't have a piece
I said anybody want a piece that doesn't have a piece
Yeah if you don't want a piece
Aww you know
I'm so glad you're here
I hope that gets on the record
And in case you missed it she said I want a bigger piece
We all want a bigger piece honey
And if you don't want a piece and you're sittin' in this room
I'm tellin' you you're in the wrong movie
**********

10.

DRESSIN' UP FOR THE PIZZA MAN

(Kacey Jones - Sharyn Lane)
« © '97 Zamalama Music, BMI / Mamalama Music, ASCAP »
Uh oh when you hear a chord like this
Or like this
You know you're about to hear a tale of woe
That's W-O-E woe
And there's a lotta woe in the world
Or as Elmer Fudd would say there's a wotta woe in the world
The poor wanna be rich the rich wanna be happy
The single wanna be married and the married wanna be dead
So get your hankies out sit back cause I'm fixin' to pitch you some woe

Sittin' here all alone in the dark in my fancy new dress
My date should have been here two hours ago I've been cryin' and my face is a mess
But I ain't gonna let it get me down I pick up the phone and dial Pizza Town

And I say got stood up by my date tonight and I ain't gonna cook
But I got my Martini and the lastest Playgirl book
Still I got a hunger and I deserve a treat
So I call the Pizza Parlor and I said hey send me somethin' to eat

I ordered cheese and peppers and all that other junk
But when I opened the door I nearly fell on the floor
Cause the pizza man was a georgeous hunk

Yeah he caught me by surprise and damn I let him get away
But I knew I'd be wantin' more pizza like the very next day
I couldn't stop thinkin' about him I couldn't wait till it was night
Cause when it comes to eatin' pizza I got a mighty appetite

Oh pizza man deliver me one large deep dish pepperoni
I'll make you feel good if you'll let me be bad
And you'll leave here tonight with the best tip you've ever had

So I got myself all ready in my Victoria Secret lingerie
Cause this time Mr Pizza Man was not going to get away
I dialed with anticipation fantizin' about my new lover
But when I opened the door I nearly fell on the floor
Cause the pizza man was a six foot blue eyed bald fat spare me cigar choppin bubba
Oh no

What happened to the other guy
You know the cute guy
Oh man where's my deluxe deep dish
A bubba
And with my luck he'll be the hand tossed type too

The moral of the story ain't hard to understand
Use it or lose it and girls eat your pizza while you can

Oh Pizza Man deliver me one large deep dish pepperoni...

So like whatda you say Pizza Man
I mean I got all dressed up for you and shit
And I ain't gonna beg
Cause I mean the UPS man's startin' to look pretty good to me now too
Yeah those little brown bermuda shorts and that matchin' shirt
And I just loves a man in a uniform
And the cable guy's comin' next week
(Cable guys ha ha ha)
So whatda you say pizza man
Deliver

Alright
Now that's my kinda pizza man right there
So uh what's your name
(Billy)
And uh Billy do you uh have a pepperoni for me that package
(Why yes I do)
Uh I'm really glad to hear that because I broke up with my boyfriend
(When)
Just now
So uh do you think you could deliver me a little piece later
(sure when uh do you get off)
Uh I think I'll just leave that up to you ok honey
Alright
Let's hear it for Billy the pizza man Ladies and Gentlemen

Hubba hubba hubba and I don't mean Bubba
Umm umm umm
**********

11.

I MISS MY MAN BIT

(Kacey Jones)
« © '97 Zamalama Music, BMI »
Alright now I need a show of hands
How many women out there have not shot their husbands
Because they don't wanna clean up the carpet
Oh I know they can make you so mad
My Ex I asked him one time I said would you please take out the trash
Next thing I knew he was datin' my sister
Now you know why I don't like any of my loved ones
They can make you fightin' mad I'm tellin' you
I used to get out my ole 38's tryin' to get a rise out of him
When that didn't work I had to have him arrested for assault with a DEAD weapon
He's been away for several years now and gosh I miss him

One two
**********

12.

I MISS MY MAN (BUT MY AIM'S GETTIN' BETTER)

(Richard Fagan - Kacey Jones)
« © '97 Zamalama Music, BMI / Mamalama Music, ASCAP »
I miss the way he used to say honey can you bring me a beer
Or while you're up if it ain't too much bring the chip and dip over here
Wash my truck so I can just watch football on TV
If you're a real good girl and our team wins I'll let you make love to me

I miss my man but my aim's gettin' better
He turned into a pig and left me for a big ole sow
Gonna drop him a bomb in a tear stained letter
If I'd shot him in our first letter I'd be out of jail bout now

I miss those nights we use to fight and throw things at each other
When I missed him with the ginsu knife he ran home to his mother
I used up my good china just tryin' to make him leave
But I missed him with the rollin' pin he sure could buy them weeds

I miss my man but my aim's gettin' better...

If I thought that I would not get caught
I'd really like to give him just one more shot

I miss my man but my aim's gettin' better...

Thank you pistol packin' mamas
What can I say except that I'd rather be in jail than be in love again
I'm not even sure if I've ever really been in love
I'm quiet certain that I've stepped in it a few times
**********

13.

MAMA BIT

(Kacey Jones)
« © '97 Zamalama Music, BMI »
So do we have any real mamas out there you know mothers
I don't mean muthers I mean mothers
Well thank you for coming out on a school night
I really admire moms I haven't had any children yet myself
And I know I have to make some decisions pretty soon
Because I only have about half a dozen eggs left
But you know I'm just afraid to put all my eggs in one basket
That marriage thing again eh eh
I mean really I'm just like a lot of women
I get those maternal feelings every once in awhile
Like when I'm lying on the sofa and I can't reach the TV Guide
I think you know wouldn't it be nice to have a kid right now
I was never my mother's favorite and I was an only child
It's not her fault though I was really hell on wheels
I mean one day she was cleaning my room and she found my diaphram
I told her it was a bathing cap for my cat

Yes it kind of was thank you for that meow
I have an intelligent audience you see
I don't have to worry about diaphrams anymore
I just use my personality for birth control
Anyway I wanna dedicate this one to my mama
God bless her I love her and this one's for you mama

One two three four one
**********

14.

I'M THE ONE MAMA WARNED YOU ABOUT

(Mickey James - Gail Zeiler)
« © '84 Sweet Glenn Music, BMI »
I know I'm smilin' but I feel this urge to grin
If I try to charm you well that's just the groove that I'm in
If I wanna act real cool that's just the way that I feel
You don't have to buy my stuff if you don't like my deal

I'm the one mama warned you about
I'm the one mama told you about
Take another look and then look out
Mama warned you
I'm the one mama warned you about
I'm the one mama told you about
Take another look and then look out
Mama warned you mama warned you

I just wanna bare the facts to help you understand
Sometimes when two bodies touch things just get out of hand
If I say some things to you that sound a bit bizzare
Just to let you know up front what my intentions are

I'm the one mama warned you about...

You know I asked my mama one time
I said mama what's the secret to a long happy marriage
She said well honey you know relationships are a lot of work
You have your bad days and you have your good day
You gotta remember honesty and openess are very important
They must be avoided
I said mama what about romance
She said now Baby don't worry bout that
You just have to let your husband be himself
And then you'll to pretend he's someone else
Alright you mothers take me to the bridge and drop me off

Maybe we should just kick back and keep it kinda light
Maybe we've been hit before maybe mama's right
I just wanna make it clear the moon is full tonight
If you say that I should stay
You know what say what
I just might well alright

I'm the one mama warned you about...

Mama warned you mama warned you
Mama warned you mama warned you
Mama warned you mama warned you
Your mama warned you yah yah a ooh way way

Thank you mamas and thank you daddies too
**********

15.

BITTER BIT

(Kacey Jones)
« © '97 Zamalama Music, BMI »
Time for a little Kacy Jones therapy
This next song clearly addresses one of the four main themes
That all hit country songs must have which are
I sure would like to screw ya it's great screwin' you
How come we don't screw anymore and screw you
I know some of my songs sound hateful and I do mean hate with a capital F
But you know sometimes I just have to write 'em for me
And especially this next one it saved me about ten thousand in therapy
it's not that I didn't try therapy because when I was out in LA
I did go for two years I went to a psychiatrist
And after two years he said something that brought tears to my eyes
He said no hablo englese
So I gave up on shrinkage went back to my guitar
And this little song always makes me feel good
And if it offends even one of you I'll feel even better
**********

16.

BUT I'M NOT BITTER

(Steve Bloch - Kacey Jones)
« © '84 Mamalama Music, ASCAP / Southern Cow Music, ASCAP / Curb Songs, ASCAP »
I went down to the mall and bought a voodoo DOLL
It's amazing just how much he looks like you
Stick a pin here (oh) stick a pin there (ouch)
Chop off all that long brown hair
Honey I got all the tools to cut off the family jewels

Because I hate your lousy rotten stinkin' guts but I'm not bitter
It's just my luck you stupid smuck you porked our baby sitter
Well if you were here right now I'd rub your face in kitty litter
Cause I hate your lousy rotten stinkin' guts but I'm not bitter
Ain't that civiled

Policeman came to see me you whining little wienny
A restraining order's taking things too far
Sure I broke your nose burned up your clothes
And strangled you with pantyhose
But you can't blame me for that tumor
Honey where's your sense of humor

And now I hope you're real darn happy with your life you spineless quitter
You ran off so you could boff our bimbo baby sitter
Well if you were here right now I'd rub your face in kitty litter
Cause I hate your lousy rotten stinkin' cradle robbin' big rat thinkin' guts
But I'm not bitter

Oh thank you
Oh yes revenge is sweet and not fattening

I will admit that I was pretty bitter about the time I wrote that song
Towards the end there I used to close my eyes when we were making love
So I didn't have to see him having a good time
**********

17.

PARAKEETS BIT

(Kacey Jones)
« © '97 Zamalama Music, BMI »
But I'm better now
In fact I'm feeling so pleasant
That I'd like to dedicate this next song especially to the men
They're goin' like this oh God
No really because you know I know what men want
Girls you we all know what they want
They want to be extremely intimate and get as close as they possibly can
To a woman who'll just leave them and their remote control alone
(So) ha ha you know I knew you were gonna be here tonight
I just didn't know what you were gonna look like
(Now you wish you didn't know)
Say what honey
(Now you wish you didn't know what he looks like)
Are you his manager
Listen why don't you guys come back on Wednesday night
That's amateur night OK
I'm just gonna get right to the point here
Because I can see you guys are of the mentality
That you're really gonna like this next song
I think I knew you
You know I knew your mama and daddy when they were just brother and sister
I'll stop pickin' on you any time you feel like it
I hate doin' a battle of wits with an unarmed man you know
The other thing that men want any more than anything
More than being left alone is they want breasts
That's right boobs bosums knockers melons jugs
Cha-cha's ta-ta's they don't care what you call 'em
And they don't care if they're real
If they're silicone or if they're helium they just want them
So I wanna dedicate this next one just to the guys right here
I mean honestly really this is from me to you
I just wanna be up front
**********

18.

BIGGEST PARAKEETS IN TOWN

(Jud Strunk - Charlie Drew)
« © '75 Pierre Cossette Music »
Well some folks I know keep looking for rare old coins and stamps
While other see what's cooking with antique books and lamps
Some hobbies are like slavery there's one too tough for words
This gal has got an avery and you should see her birds

She's got chanticleers and dickey birds intelligent and tricky birds
That makes the boys hang around
Her crow is black and shiney her hummingbirds are tiny
But she's got the biggest parakeets in town

She's got cockatoos and bobalinks in royal blue and dusty pinks
And you should see them hanging upside down
Oh it's thrilling to behold her when she wings them past her shoulder
Cause she's got the biggest parakeets in town

And every night when she goes to bed she puts each one on a pillow
Oh they sound like Bing and they start to sing
Tweet willow tweet willow tweet willow
After holding them and petting them she gets a thrill in letting them
Go swinging from the ceiling to the ground
Ask anyone who's seen 'em it's hard to choose between 'em
Cause she's got the biggest parakeets in town

Imagine her in love one day she tells her fiancee OK
On the day the wedding rolls around
Now he loves the ground she stands on he can't wait to get his hands on
The biggest parakeets in town

Well picture on her wedding night when hubby dear turn off the light
And wakes in the morning with a frown
As he goes to caress her he sees them on the dresser
The biggest parakeets in town

Thank you very much the bird-watchers
**********

19.

MESSAGE BIT

(Kacey Jones)
« © '97 Zamalama Music, BMI »
Now I guess you can tell by now that I am not the kind of woman
That sits around by the phone waiting for some man to call
Ha ha ha nooo
What is it with men and the telephone can somebody explain this to me
I mean when they say they're gonna call they don't
When they say they're not gonna come they do I don't get it
It's just that I don't
And then when he finally calls he says
The last thing I ever wanna do is hurt you
That only means that he has other things he wants to do first
See you men need to understand that women love the telephone
If we really wanna talk we'll accept a collect obscene phone call
I mean I have one that calls me every other day
He's real kinky
He'll call up and breath like ahh ahh what are you wearing ahh are you alone
But you know he's pretty good about calling so what can I say
**********

20.

I GOT THE MESSAGE (WHEN YOU DIDN'T CALL)

(Kacey Jones - Sharyn Lane)
« © '97 Zamalama Music, BMI / Mamalama Music, ASCAP »
One two you know what to do

I know the headlines don't have to read the news
I can feel real bad without singin' the blues
I'm lookin' down and it's a long hard fall
I got the message when you didn't call

There's no red roses comin' to my door
Don't have to fight another battle to know I've lost the war
I can read the writing when it's on the wall
I got the message when you didn't call

You didn't call me you didn't beep me bbbut baby you didn't phone
I picked up my receiver to see if was workin' all I got was the dial tone
You didn't reach out and touch me you didn't wanna feel my love at all
I got the message when you didn't call

Love letters on my fax machine
So happy used to make me scream
Email voice mail internet
Are all hooked up but there's no news yet

Alright now
I got some advice for you men that are havin' trouble communicating with women
I think I'm gonna talk to you three right here
There's one guy here he hasn't been smilin' at me all night
Did I use to date you or something
It's very simple guys just think of us like a telephone
We like to be right up close up to your ear
We like you to listen to us
And if you push the wrong button
We'll put your butt on hold
And we'll just leave you there
Oh two one two three

You didn't call me you didn't beep me bbbut baby you didn't phone...

And what you didn't say says it all
I got the message when you didn't call
I got the message when you didn't call
I got the message

Thank you very much
**********

21.

TORTURE BIT

(Kacey Jones)
« © '97 Zamalama Music, BMI »
Alright I wanna ask you a personal question
How many of ya'll are in pain
I mean that searing kind of pain like a toothache right in the middle of your heart
(Pull it) that's right pull it
Now the personal question I really wanna ask you
How many of you are currently dating someone that you know
Eventually is gonna bore you to death in a tedious agonizing way
Simply because you are too pitiful to commit suicide
I'm not datin' anybody right now so I'm in between pain
But I guarantee you show me the next psychopathetic psychotic neurotic mess
That crosses my path baby I'll be there that's right
I need these kind of men in my life to write these kinda songs you know
What can I say love is torture even when it's good
So there must be a little masochist in all of us
And since there is I would like you to all bow your heads
Let's suffer together

A one two three
**********

22.

JUST TO TORTURE MYSELF

(Marshall Chapman - Kacey Jones)
« © '97 Cattle Jam Music, BMI / Zamalama Music, BMI / Tall Girl Music, BMI »
I'm walkin' down your street tonight
Just to torture myself I look up and see the light in your window
You're standing there stroking her hair
I stop and stare just to torture myself

Just to torture myself I call your code a phone
Just to hear your voice but as soon as I get that tone I hang up
I can't stop myself I probably need help
Still I'm compelled just to torture myself

I would not stop this if I could
The thrill I get from feelin' bad just feels too good ouch hurt me
In fact I think I'll hurt myself ouch

Ba de ma dee ma zamba bam too wang
That was his name The Wang
Ba de la ba de la ba

Now it's a full time job keepin' tabs on what you do
Hangin' out in the joints just waitin' for a glimpse of you and your new girlfriend
Mmy life's a mess am I possessed
I answer yes just to torture myself

I could find somebody new somebody who'd be true
But honey I'm stickin' to you just to torture myself

Say it out loud I'm sick and I'm proud
And I don't need a crowd just to torture myself
Just to torture myself just to torture myself
Just to torture myself just to torture myself
Ohhh suffer

Thank you very much that's our show
Let me hear it for The Passionate Men
Ed Berghoff on lead guitar
Richard Fagan
Paul Scholten on drums
Joe Collins
Eddie Dunbar on the bass
Thank you very much
Your laughter is my nectar
Thank you
**********